blueleo9

Rajni Tibrewala

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Altered by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Altered

You couldn't possibly mean every word you say. Not with that look of absolute wanton in your eyes. Your glare that absorbs every cell of my body has seemingly disappeared this morning. You look away out the window, as if the cars passing by outside would somehow in some way help to soothe the need for change. You think I'm sleeping but I'm really not. Just watching you watch life. Just watching you watch life pass you by at sixty miles per hour in a residential area. Just watching you watching me wither away before your eyes. I see you beginning to turn and quickly avert my eyes to something indistinct. You didn't catch my supposed inconsp

Pandoras Box by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Pandoras Box

It all fell apart in three-week intervals. I shut it away, pretending to be someone I wasn't. So I placed my assigned love in a Pandora's box of sorts, and let it boil up inside of me. You gave me that look that made my eyes shrivel up into insignificant pupils of hope and anxiety all morphed into one. You explained to me that love was fickle, that you experienced some sort of drought, and that you couldn't physically love any one person anymore. I looked into the eyes of such an untruthful bastard and thought how your vacillating nature needed to be taught a life lesson. However, I never wished to be your mentor. You stepped into my bedroo

The One Woman Waltz by blueleo9, literature

Literature

The One Woman Waltz

Take that little piece of me you own Take it far and wide Leave me to dance here alone In the rain that falls So poignant against the windowpane Positioned above us, Our lives Steps planned out, children given birthdays Jobs lost Love gained I wanted to skip ahead one day Reach and grab what was rightfully mine Entitled to me simply by the immortal hand of fate Immortal fate Mortal human It was time to tell the truth I couldn't reach my future memories I looked up at the sky, Confounded by the shooting, Air-confined particles of slightly acidic H20 I let them plummet to the ground My skin being the savior of some Arms ou

You Smile by blueleo9, literature

Literature

You Smile

You smile. You convince me everything is all right. You give me that look, You know the one that never fails to make me blush You promised me you wouldn't forget About me. You gave me assurance. I gave you everything I had. You returned my love You loved me back, When you needed to. How could you hurt someone you loved? So much. It was easy. You didn't love me. So much. I do what I can. To forget. But I can't possibly Forget you. I couldn't accuse you of anything. I couldn't convince myself that you weren't good. That you were Lying. Loving. Loving, No one. Everyone. But me.

Heightened Security by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Heightened Security

My eyes moved rapidly with the cars that passed by in the early morning-late night parade of excitement. The wind fluctuated in and out transiently through my seemingly hollow body. I contested within myself whether or not to take the plunge that would essentially cost me my life. Everything seemed so peaceful from this height. The cars had this certain, distinct pattern of traffic. Lanes weaved in and people meandered out of their regular solemnity that would accompany them on any other night. Tonight was different though. Tonight was the beginning of the rest of my life. What a cliché that was now to say that. Just mere moments prior to t

Fearful by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Fearful

How dare I smile upon your words Your words that carry such sweet meaning Serene thoughts of living my life out With you in it I feel like I should be cautious For your lies are not farfetched I've been the victim before But how I could I hate Such a sweet sound Such a warm soul Such an endearing love I could never be happy without you You expect me to trust Whole-heartedly let down my guard But you didn't love me all the while You just remembered me Spur of the moment Spontaneity doesn't work this time This time my love is fearful The time, my love, I am what you were forever.

Candor by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Candor

They say if your heart has never really loved, your heart has never really lived. But I don't know who "they" are, and I don't know if I want them telling me how my heart feels or lives or loves. The pseudo-psychotic membranes that allow penetration through the open arteries contained in my body create a sensation never before felt. Love. A pulse. A heartbeat: a sudden loss for all of one's memory and sensory nerves. Everything pulses, everything has a heartbeat. I felt my throat rise and cower down to its earthly state of being. Pulse. My glassy, over thought eyes stared blankly at the ceiling above my existence. The paint sort of chipp

Flowing by blueleo9, literature

Distorted World by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Distorted World

She pulls her hair back Takes a look in the mirror Pauses Tears roll down As she realizes She's not all she dreams It doesn't matter anymore "You've got a pretty face" people tell her But you'll never be Never be good enough "You'd be really hot if you'd lose some weight" And they think these words won't hurt The constant insults The disgusting remarks As she walks down the street They show no remorse For a soul so tortured So fragile Open-mindedness doesn't come so easy in this world If we can't learn to accept ourselves for who we are, How can we accept others? Thoughts: In this world it doesn't matter how smart you are

New Found Sanity by blueleo9, literature

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5-24 by blueleo9, literature

Literature

5-24

I never knew you as much as I thought I did. Whatever you gave me I took with full force. You taught me to always put my best foot forward, and make sure it was my first so I wouldn't fall. Headstrong I rushed into loving you thinking it was good for me. Some sort of emotional cure that only metaphorically existed in my own mind. Thoughts of you and me together again drew me in closer. Thinking that I actually had a chance to stay with you and live in perfect harmony. And that we would wake up every morning, only to find ourselves in eachother's arms. How I longed to be perfect, just like you. Flawless, and living in a society that only ac

Sparkle in the Rain by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Sparkle in the Rain

I am once again dead in your arms I tried so many times over and over to live And you kill me every time I see your sweet face I met someone new Just for the sake of being alone for a change Being away from you It was exactly what I needed Still friends And both lonely in the night we lie Smelling the smells of summer in the evening of passion at a passionate moment never again to be described never again to be experienced and i am writing down in my head every word you say and i remember all i felt for you and all you meant to me Nothing at all Anymore And you still haunt me on the nights when I am alone Your ghost lingeri

Summer Breeze by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Summer Breeze

You taste like a summer breeze And I can never get enough of you You feel like the ocean coming into the sand My feet always get wet at the beach Your smile takes me away With every breath I take You live in your world And I die in mine without you Dreams of you and me together again race through my empty mind Envisioning you taking my hand And I'd follow you anywhere The sun comes out and you and I lay waiting Deep inside I can hear your heartbeat The waves crash on the shore And we awake to the morning light The sun rising over the horizon The feeling of actually being alive comes over me I'm wondering how I got this far

Shame by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Shame

The rain falls silently against the window Thunder builds up in the background Somewhere someone is panicking I'm sitting here sipping my tea. Somewhere in a location far away Someone is dying an inconceivable death I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs. There's someone at the door. Knock. Knock. Who is it coming over this late? Shame stands in my doorway As I look out into the cold night A cool breeze slips inside And I shut the door in dismay.

Alice by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Alice

She smiled as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was happy with what she had become. Never less than her expectations. She never doubted herself for a second. A tear ran down her cheek as she thought of what her life had become. "I feel like I've just died," She said to her pale reflection. "I've never felt this pain before." The pain of success. The awkwardness of the world around her which had comforted her once before. Never again to make her feel happy like she did once before. Never again was she to feel what it was like to live. To be alive. What an amazing experience it was to be alive. A greater feat though was to be

Save My Eyes by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Save My Eyes

Save my eyes, Capture my soul. Free my mind, Collect the toll. Take my hand, Leap into the stars. Burn my heart, Place the ashes in jars. Bury my bones, Close the door. Once outside, You beg for more. Shut me out, Leave me alone. For my life, You already own. Gather it up, Throw me away. Once I'm gone, You'll have room to stay. Don't ever worry, The pleasure is all mine. Knowing you, You'll never pay the fine.

Sacred Space by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Sacred Space

In the end the spirits will float away. They can't stay long to help someone whose disease is incurable. The beautiful white light of morning flows in my room. God's hands reach through my window and pull me out. I can finally escape from it all. He takes me somewhere special. Somewhere only my love can go. Leave all my depression behind. My soul can fly freely. The flowers dance in the warm gentle wind. The petals circle around me. Carry me up higher each day. Until I reach the top where I can sleep. Sleep on endless clouds forever. Somewhere peaceful. I feel the sea flow through and out my body. My fingers hold the power. H

The Center of Your Soul by blueleo9, literature

Literature

The Center of Your Soul

Tell me please, Am I the only one who sees the colors shining through the moon? The strong wind of Heaven blows through my window The light of your eyes blinds me. Stars flow in a sea of thoughts. In the summer, the trees are green and the water is clear. At the end, all the leaves fall to the ground. The sun sets in my eyes and I watch you walk away. The dock creaks with your footsteps. I paddle away into the emptiness of my heart. The center of your soul.

Untitled 01 by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Untitled 01

Don't turn away from me I need you everyday. I am alone and scared Crying in the corner. Don't you see me? I'm the girl hiding behind life. I can't accept it It's too much for me. Don't make me go by myself, I'll die in the night without you. I didn't mean for it to be this way You know me too well. Please Don't leave Don't walk away You can't leave and say you love me. You don't anymore? Why not? What was it that I did? Did I hurt you? Did I lie? Did I die without you?

Amber Illusions by blueleo9, literature

Literature

Amber Illusions

Amber illusions Screaming through the darkness Fluorescent emanations Groping to be free Immersion in fire Birth from death Songs dancing in the wind Silhouettes swaying in the pale moonlight Wounded soldiers Marching to their graves Each step backwards In the name of Glory Sunlit bronze statues Iridescent at high noon Shards of glass Crushed by footsteps Of those now laying peacefully Closer to the moon Farther from life Sailing away The current pulls us distances Aeons apart.

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About blueleo9

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Deviant for 22 years
She / Her

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My Bio

Current Residence: NY, NY
Favourite genre of music: rock, techno, trance, some punk
Favourite style of art: anything
MP3 player of choice: winamp
Favourite cartoon character: Scooby Doo
Personal Quote: Wee!!!

Favourite Visual Artist

computerologist, rhow

Favourite Movies

Memento, American Beauty, lots of others

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

Radiohead, Weezer, PvD, Oakenfold, BT

Favourite Writers

poe, keats

Other Interests

writing, reading, doing nothing all day

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blueleo9

Jan 6, 2003

wow it's been a long time!

0 min read

WEE!!! COLLEGE! A lot happens in a year! The last time I wrote was a year ago (almost!) Well, lets see...I went to college, I'm here at NYU now. Wee! hehehe...I'm happy. I also wish I had some energy to write! I haven't been able to write since I got here in Sept...I guess my brain is just waiting for inspiration, you'd think that good ol' NYC would be enough. Ah well...Union Square is nice and all...and the artistic inspiration is probably at it's most but I'm just not getting anything. Ah well, hopefully sometime soon.

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blueleo9

Jan 6, 2003

wow it's been a long time!

0 min read

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blueleo9

Jan 30, 2002

Devious Journal Entry

0 min read

Well...I'm working on something now, hope to finish it before 7:00 when I have to go out again. I'm taking my time on this one. I want it to be exquisite. :) hmm, what else is going on...I wish I had a chance at a future again, but we all know that's never going to happen. But hey, at least I won't reflect my extreme deprivation in my work. That's saved for my good friends who are subjected to my bitching and complaining, and put up with it simply out of the goodness of their heart. Either that or the lack of something better to do.

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Profile Comments 29

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spyed

Apr 10, 2003

Have you ever had a dream, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?

What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire deviant life, that there's something wrong with the story. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.

You take the blue pill, the story ends. Your browser closes and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland. And, I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

I offer only the truth, nothing more.

Take: The Red Pill
Take: The Blue Pill

Fella

spyed, nobody has ever done this before.
Ninja

I know. That's why it's going to work.

Do not try and bend the spoon ...

deezaster

Feb 24, 2002

thankyou ever so much for your comments they are appreciated!!
:) (Smile)

Dee
-----

mannela

Feb 18, 2002

thanks for the comment :) (Smile)

sickdamien

Feb 13, 2002

spam

[link]

lowra

Feb 3, 2002

Thank you for the comment! I muchly appreciate it! I'm glad you could relate!

****~Lowra~****

ticy

Jan 30, 2002

Thank you for the comment on my poem. I'm glad you enjoy it. I've read through some of your writting and have to say it's very good. Please keep up the good work!

bluenine

Jan 29, 2002

Blasted people adding things to my name and calling it their own.

(¯`·.,¸¸,.·´¯`·.·• blueNINE